The Story of My First Ex-Boyfriend

This is a true story based on my life. 
Let’s take it back 4 years.

August 2009. Grade 12/ Senior Year.

I loved playing ultimate. My friend asked me to come out and play a mini game with him and his friends. I knew everyone expect one guy who I have never seen before. He was tall and skinny and amazingly awesome at Ultimate. So I kept my eyes on him. As we were playing I accidentally bumped into him and he said,” Oh Sorry!”.

That was the first contact I have ever made with him. 
Instantly I thought to myself, “wow! what a nice guy to say sorry It wasn’t even his fault!”.

I went home that day thinking to myself. Who was this really nice guy who plays ultimate and why have I never talked to him before?.

Song Mood : I’m Glad you Came - The Wanted.
 

September 2009. Grade 12/ Senior Year. 

I finally added him on Facebook. Let the creeping begin……haha
I got to know him better. A guy who was in mini school who likes alternative punk rock. Interesting, I thought to myself.

At my school we have a course/class where we get to be an assistant for a teacher. I was chosen to assist the Physics Teacher. On the first day, I walked in and my eyes widened. He was in that class and in the first row. I was like, “OMG. What were the odds of that?!”. 
When he wasn’t looking, I kept staring at him. Butterflies.


I confessed to all my friends that I had a huge crush on this guy.
My girlfriends were like, “Who’s that?”. He wasn’t one of the popular kids, he was just a smart kid who loved playing ultimate and apparently in the robotics team. 

Puppy love was what I developed.

Song Mood: Use Somebody - Kings of Leons

October 2009. Graduation Photo day/ Artona.

So I booked my photo session last minute. It sucked because all my friends photo session was on a Saturday and mine was on a friday. 
So when I came to my photo session, guess who was there?
It was him and he had his photo session 5 minutes before mine so we had to sit together in line. It was just me and him. I remember trying my hardest to crack jokes and to talk to him. He was so shy! 

The next day was when it was group photo session and he was there as well. When my group of friends wanted to go eat, I asked him if he wanted to join us. He said yes. 
BINGOOOOOOOOOOO.

We all went out to eat at Cactus Club. We sat next to each other the whole time.
I don’t know why but the thing that I remembered the most was he kept ordering water. I asked him “why do you drink so much water?”.
He said, “Oh, I just get dehydrated really easily.”  Now if you are one of my close friends, we all know that I drink so much water. 

The feelings I had for him was getting stronger. It was ri -donc-u-lous.
 
Song Mood: Enchanted - Taylor Swift

October 2009/ Halloween/ PNE amusement park. 

I invited him to go to PNE Fright Night with my group of friends. 
He came along and I was like, “Yes! More time with him”
At the end of the day, we all went on the Ferris Wheel. 
It was just me and him. So romantic….. We sat together and I was thinking to myself, “I really like this guy.”
The feelings I got when I was around him, there was something.

Wherever you will go - The Calling

November 2009. Confession.

We message each other on a chat program called MSN. 
Lately, his status was very gloomy. One day it would be, “Missed opportunity”. Another day was, “Being eaten by my own inactions.”

I messaged him and I asked him. “What does your status mean?”
He said “Linda, I think I like you”.
My eyes widened. My heart racing. Palms were sweating.I couldn’t believe this was happening! 
I replied back, “I like you too”.

The next day we met up at Lunch Time on the grass field where no one was there. We talked about our feelings. I remember looking at the view of the grass field. It was so calming. 

Throughout November he always came to sit with my during Lunch Time. Also, he waited for me after school to walk me to the skytrain station. We would text each other throughout the day. To good mornings to good nights. I would call him and hide in my room talking to him. Oh… it was puppy love.

Now my sisters were extremely strict. I have one sister who always checked my text messages and is just  always checking up on me. Oh my big sister. 
One day, she said, “Do you like anyone?” I was like…” Uhhh no…”
O.O . Aye yah.

Sparks Fly- Taylor Swift

December 2009.


I realize that the relationship I had with him couldn’t last. I knew my parents and my sister wouldn’t allow me to have a boyfriend. I would get in serious trouble if they found out.
On New Years Day, we were at a party and I told him I needed to talk to him. We walked to a park and that’s when I let it out. I told him I really liked him, but my family wouldn’t let me have a boyfriend. It was like some sort of forbidden love.
I asked him why he liked me. He said that I was pretty, funny and outgoing everything he doesn’t have. He told me his problems with family and life. He said meeting me, he was never happier and that I changed  his views on life completely.  In my head I was thinking, this guy has gone through so much. He was such a sweet guy but no one sees it. I didn’t want to let him go.

It was almost 12’oclock so I told him. Let’s be together for now but next year it would be different and that he can’t wait for me. So we sat together out in the cold holding hands. 
As we walked back it was so cold.  Everything was changing.
We went back to the house and we went our separate ways. 

Song Mood: Stay - Rihanna 

January 2010. New Year.

I was depressed. How could I not be with someone when nothing was wrong with him?. I went on Facebook and his status came on my newsfeed. He posted the song.

The Fray- Never Say Never.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85Qncsyvfl4

“While we don’t know when
But time and time again
Younger now than we were before

Don’t let me go
Don’t let me go” 

I listened to that song and I literally burst into tears because I felt the same way. 

We started chatting again and we decided to give it another try even though I knew my sister wouldn’t approve. 

March 2010

We had a lot of ups and downs. The biggest thing that really bugged me about him was that he never showed like he cared. I would always talk first or just try to keep the conversation  going. He was so anti-social. Everyone told me that I could do so much better and that he was such a jerk. Because he wasn’t a jerk to me I didn’t see it. 

We went to a friend’s birthday party. There he asked me, “Do you want to go to prom with me?” Quiet honestly, I thought he was going to ask in a more surprising way but you know…. oh well. I said “Yes!”

May 2010.  Our First Kiss
We went to Whistler Music Festival with our music class. It was amazing. Finally away from my family I could finally be with him and hold his hand in public. I didn’t have to worry about family at all.

I remember on the last day. It was 5oclock am and everyone was outside the balcony waiting for the sunrise. I was there comfortable and snuggled up next to him on the big couch. The feeling of finding someone, it’s such a warm feeling. I can’t explain it but you want time to just freeze in that moment be with that person forever. I remember looking at him and he was looking me. That moment, I came in and I gave him a kiss on the lips.

Our First Kiss. His eyes widened and he said, ” I think I love you.”
We hugged each other and from that day, it was so special.  

Song Mood: I don’t want to miss a thing- Aerosmith

June 2010. Prom Graduation Day.
Life was complete and set. Everything was perfect to school and to friends. Life was good. Prom Day.
He came over for prom and my parents and sister saw him for the first time. I didn’t say that we were together but they knew we were and they were okay with it.
When prom was almost ending I remember sitting next to him looking at him and thinking today is so perfect.
After prom, we drove up to queen elizabeth. We stayed up all night talking and falling asleep in his car. 

We graduated and I thought everything was perfect…So I thought. 

July 2010 Summer
The thing that bugged me so much came back. He could never hold a conversation. It’s like we would be hanging and I am the only one talking. How could I have a relationship if the other end is not talking. I felt like he didn’t care, I guess I expected him to do boyfriend things like to call me sometimes. I always had to call or plan to go out, I felt like I was the only one who wanted to hang out. Sometimes he would just be there not talking with no communication. Not talking. It’s like….. ughhhhh……..

It Frustrated me so much that I talked with him and said I couldn’t stand him acting like it.
2 weeks later what do you know we went back together. Oh gee. 

August 2010 Ignored.

So we weren’t technically together like before. We were just seeing each other. He told me how he had an ultimate game so I decided to surprise him. I decided to come before work. He was playing on the field so I came there and sat down near his stuff. He looked at me but didn’t wave. Just smiled. The whole time there was no interaction. On his break he wouldn’t even come up to me to talk. He then texted me saying ” I am sorry, it’s just awkward if people knew we were together.”

I rubbed it off thinking to myself, “ohkay” He just doesn’t want his team mates to know that we are together that’s okay. When I left I texted him saying I had to go. Walking back I got lost! I had no idea where I was and I was 40 minutes late for work…. ayee yahhh…

When I was at work, I was so confused. What he did wasn’t very nice. He didn’t even come up to me and talk to me. He made me sit there by myself all alone. Emotions started to heat up. Wow, at least come up and say hi.. I didn’t even get that.

Jan 2011 The Actual Break Up. 

We were on and off after August. The feelings weren’t really there anymore. The same things still bugged me. 
I was hoping you know this year, I want to work it out with him.
I was thinking you know maybe it will work out.
We went to watch a movie. We usually hold hands but we didn’t this time. I was quite surprised. We didn’t talk at all.

He drove me home and before I went out the car he told me that we couldn’t do this anymore. Also that we should stop talking to each other  I was shocked. I ask him was it because of another a girl? He said Yes. 
That painful feeling of a knife stabbing right in your heart. That’s how I felt, I couldn’t keep my emotions inside. I cried so much I swear it was like Niagara falls. 

I went out the car and went home still crying. All my sisters came up to me and said what happened. I told them the story and they made me feel better. I am so grateful that I have family. 

The next morning, I didn’t want to get up from work. When you break up with someone everything becomes so clear. You could hear everything so well. It’s like your senses become stronger some how. My heart was so empty.  

I was at work pretending like everything was okay but I wasn’t. 
When I got off my work he texted me saying “Hows the little hard worker doing? =)”

I was like “duhhh wtf?” Didn’t he not want to talk to me?. Strange so I just replied back. We started texting again and I was so confused. Why was he being so flirty with me still. Didn’t we just end it? A couple days later I went on Facebook and messaged him saying that when he  messaged me It’s confusing. I don’t know what signals he trying to do so it is best if we just stopped texting. He agreed and he said sorry and we both told each other if there was any problems that we would still be friends and talk it out. We ended off on good terms. 

August 2011

It was very painful to see him. Whenever we went to a party everyone could tell there was tension. He never acknowledged my existence. Even when I talked in a big group with everyone he would always roll his eyes or just have a big sigh. 

I was so confused. I don’t know why he was acting this way. He couldn’t even treat me like a person. That’s all I really wanted. I didn’t understand why he disliked me so much, we ended off on good terms.

There was one party that I told myself that I want to be on good terms with him. I hate going to a party and having to avoid him. So I tried my hardest to be friends with him again. When we were in big groups I tried being nice but his negative vibe was too strong to handle. 

I remember going outside the house and talking to my friend crying so hard. Saying that I am trying to be normal and just start over. I was  so sick of being treated like I didn’t exist. I hate being in the same room as him and always trying to avoid him for no reason when we could really just be normal with each other.  
I don’t know why I was being treated the why I was .

That day I told myself, okay if he wants to be like that then we’ll keep avoiding each other and never talk. I deleted him on every social media outlet I had. If he was acting like I don’t exist so I can do the same to him,

Sept 2011 - November 2012. Depression.

Ever since that day, I was an emotional wreck. Everything was falling horribly wrong. I wasn’t in high school anymore so I couldn’t always see my friends. Also they all went to different universities so it was hard for me to meet up with them. They were so busy with their lives. Also during this period my family wasn’t the best. This time was so emotional for me. I could say I was depressed for a year. As sad as it seems,
He was still on my mind every single day. To the morning I wake up to the time I fell asleep. I could say that not a single day in that year he wasn’t in my mind. 

Throughout the year I would see him at parties. I had to pretend like I didn’t know him. He totally changed. Not that guy who I was dating in highschool. He transformed into a whole new person.
I remember people from my highschool wondering why I was dating him because he was such a  jerk. Now I couldn’t understand why people said that. 
Just the way he always felt like he was superior from everyone else and he always had to prove to someone that they were wrong. Always making people feel lower about themselves. 

My Transformation

Throughout the year, when things were depressing for me I found myself thinking about him. Thinking” he doesn’t like you because you aren’t good enough”. I was trying so hard to be someone I wasn’t because of him. I would have some days I would get so depressed and just think that I  would never be great in my life. Basically thinking to myself. “Linda, you suck.”
So to get my mind off of things, I started to make videos. It was something I’ve loved doing but never found the motivation to do it. I also pursed my passion in photography. The break up made me realize what my passions really were. Because I felt so low, I was always focusing on myself to strive to be better. 

Sept 2012- May 2013.

This year was my best, I thought of him less and everything was falling into place. I was so focused on my passion that it resulted in something wonderful. I finally have a clear vision of my goals. 

 Whenever I did see him I would get this negative feeling. I was so sick of feeling this way. So I thought to myself the only reason why I think about him still, is because I don’t actually know how he feels about me. Not knowing is a dangerous thing. I told myself, “Linda, you are never going to go through life not understanding this situation”. 

May 2013 The Final Realization
I messaged him a couple days ago and we haven’t talked to each other in 2 years. I messaged him saying that I don’t understand why I have to avoid him at parties and that I don’t want to be like that. Also if I did anything wrong. All I want is so be on good terms, where I could go to a party and actually acknowledge his existence. Not being friends but I want to be able to go up to him and say “Hey”. That is it.

He basically responded to me that life is just like that.

I was shocked. I was here willing to forgive and start over but he didn’t want to.
He is the type of person that could never let anything go. He can’t forgive. He doesn’t want to mend anything or start over fresh, he just wants to leave it to where it is. 
So I told him, okay. I’ll go back to pretending like he never existed.


Messaging him was probably the best thing I have ever done. I have no idea why I didn’t do it sooner. I thought time would heal everything. But really if you don’t understand something don’t let it drag on and keep assuming.

Ever since the break up I didn’t know if he was okay with me or not. But now I know.

I can finally say I’ve moved on and that was because of my decision for messaging him.
The lesson here today is if something is troubling you, ask. Don’t let questions drag on for the rest of your life because you can never grow as a person. You could never let go. Everyone needs to have this courage.

 

Live Here Today.

I don’t regret my experiences with him. I have become such a stronger person because of it. It made me work on myself and  it open my eyes to my passions.

So that’s all kids.

Break ups are extremely hard, but you learn so much about yourself after it. Don’t let it kill you, let it make you grow to become better.
Don’t forget family and friends, they’re there for support. I couldn’t have gone through this myself without help. Don’t forget who you are and don’t turn into a bitter person. Become a better person from within and remember to love yourself.
Be happy to be you. 
Heck, what doesn’t kill you make you, you stronger. Yes I was referring to Kelly Clarkson’s song.

That is all, I am going to probably make myself a dessert now. Hhaha Okay byeeeeeeeeeeeee

- Love,

Enjoy the day
Linda (= 
MAY 18 2013